Changes - Large and Small

Funny how life changes not just from year to year, but the smaller changes that happen on a day to day or even minute by minute basis. My whole life I've written stories of one sort or another - mostly sci-fi with a horror twist. But, I've also written stories with certain themes or beliefs within them. I always felt that my family both immediate and extended humored me by telling me that (what ever I had given them to read) it was a nice story. With that type of response (real or my perception) I had very little confidence in my ability to actually write well.

For the last twelve years I've been a member of the Speculative Fiction Writer's Cooperative (formerly the Sci-fi Writer's Cooperative) and not only have I gotten a better grasp on the mechanics of writing, I have gained more self-confidence in my writing. While I know that I still have a lot to learn in the craft, I no longer feel like someone who is being humored by the people who love me. There are actually people in the group who (while they may not like my subject matter - yes, you Chuck) they believe in me and the fact that I can tell a story well. Gives a person reasons to keep writing - well that and the fact that I still have characters showing up in my head wanting their story told. As long as they keep coming, I'll keep writing them down. I'll also always keep writing in my journal - which I've kept since I turned eight.

Changes on a smaller scale that have occurred in the past few months; our daughter, Katie is now engaged to a very nice man (Ryan). Our son, Kenny moved out last fall and my husband, Bill is now retired. All this change has left me feeling somewhat adrift and not sure where life will be going. But, all the upheaval and change is recorded in my journals for no one to ever read. Well, who knows, maybe when I'm gone someone will dig them up and decide that they make good reading. All that angst, sorrow, joy, frustration and anger has to end up somewhere.

Smaller changes still come from discovering that I still have muscles - the new water aerobics teachers at the YMCA know how to make you work every muscle in your body. By the end of each week, I feel stronger and even have better balance. So, even though changes take time, some years and some come with every move, change is a good thing and something to be embraced.

Snow - Writing - Changes

Had an SFWC (Speculative Fiction Writer's Co-op) meeting tonight - it took us almost an hour to get home due to the snow. Do you realize that snow makes no sound when it falls and once on the ground it muffles all sound to bring on a quietness that surpasses all other quiet times. I love to be out in that quiet and see the pure white that makes everything sparkle and glisten - a truly magic environment.

At Writer's Group, we discussed when we knew we were writers and what lead us to write in the genera we each write in. My reason for writing the sort of stories that I do is because I want to scare people (send a shiver down their back or cause them to look over their shoulder). Most of my places in my stories are from dreams (nightmares) I've had. I've been fortunate that I can hold whatever it was that scared me in my mind until I can write it down. Most of the time that means right away, as I can't go back to sleep without slipping back into the nightmare unless I write it down. Kind of weird, but I guess that's me, kind of weird.

I know that for me writing is a many layered objective. I write in my journal to put my hurts and thoughts in a form where I can leave them. I write short stories because they are fun and I never know where a story will take me once I begin it. There are many writers out there who do detailed out lines before they begin a story, there are others who start with an idea and let it form in their mind before they begin a story and there are some like me who start a story because a character or situation beckons and then we find out the story as it unfolds. I've learned some surprising things this way and sometimes I find that the story is going someplace I hadn't thought of taking it. But, by listening to my characters I follow the story they want to tell me.

Life, like my stories often goes in directions I never expected or even wanted to explore. My son moved out on his own last fall - although I still him a lot (especially just before he gets paid) and feed him, but it isn't like I can see him every day. It's hard to let go - sometimes - but that is what every parent eventually has to do. Other changes my daughter got engaged to a real nice young man just before Christmas. I'm so happy for her and wish her all the best that life has to offer. The last change that has taken place is that my husband has retired. I know some people were doubting that he ever would but he has. Now the hard part for him is going to be not seeing all the people he saw every day at work. Plus, I've found I don't talk as much as I used to since usually my only companions are the dog and cat. Friends have assured me that once the adjustment period is over, we will both enjoy his retirement.

Strength

I've been thinking for a number of days about all the strong female protagonists in stories today. They seem to be tough as nails and able to kick butt, whether it's zombies, aliens or just plain humans. Maybe in this day and age that is a type of strength that women are looking for. But I wonder what has happened to inner strength. The type of strength that comes from faith. Women since recorded time have been strong and able to bear heavy burdens and if called for find the physical strength to protect their families and themselves from harm (if at all possible). I'm sure that if any of them were asked, they would say that their faith (in whoever or whatever they believe in) gave them the strength to get through.

I'm amazed at the physical prowess of women in movies and stories of today. They seem, I don't know callus and hard, a lot like the way men used to be portrayed. I can't find anything within myself that is that way. I would like to be able to create a female protagonist that has that type of strength, but I don't seem to be able to.

They only type of strength I know anything about is faith based. The ability to keep trying and doing no matter what, knowing that God will never give me more than I can handle. Although a time or two I admit that he has, but with my faith and belief I am able to continue on for the seconds, minutes, hours or days that I need to in order to get through whatever it is. Would I sometimes like to quit? You bet. But I can't, as that is not who I am. So, I keep going and eventually I'll realize that I've made it through one more time - not by myself, but with the help of God and the grace he has granted me once again.

So, maybe I can create strong female protagonists - just in my own way. Using my own type of strength.

Poetry - Writing - Family etc.

I've added a new element to my blog, it's titled Poetry. For some probably most who read this you're probably going to think that my poetry is rather bleak and hopeless - you'd be right. For some reason about the only time I can write poetry is when I'm severely depressed and or in so much pain that I wish not living were an option. Anyway, it helps me get those feelings out and in doing so helps me feel better. It is also a weird way of praying when I can't find the right words to say, the poetry gets right down to the bare bones of exactly how bad I'm feeling. So, it is my belief that because I view the poetry as a cry to God that He hears me and takes the straw off the camel's back - so to speak.

It's been almost three whole months since I last wrote anything in my blog and for those of you who follow me, I'm sorry. I will try to be better from now on.

I'm still working on my story that I plan to submit to Tuesday Night Publishing's newest anthology. It's titled "Crop Circles", and no, it isn't about aliens or even about crop circles. Mostly it's about how life and things in our lives circle around each other to form other circles. Sometimes those circles turn out to be awful - which in turn is a reflection of the good. I guess I could continue going in circles trying to explain my story. I sure have no idea how I'd ever put together a 30 second spiel to present to someone - guess I'll have to work on that.

I've come to the conclusion that writing the beginning and middle of a story is usually the easy part, it's ending them where I'm having difficulties. I will just have to write until the story ends or finishes - finishing doesn't necessarily mean ending as a portion of a story may come to a finish but maybe the larger story - the one that isn't told hasn't ended yet. A lot like a year out of our lives, we finish a year, but our life hasn't ended yet - I like that explanation the best.

Life goes on. My kitchen is at the almost..... finished state. Floor is all in, cabinets and cupboards are all installed - but painting, counter tops/back splash, and connecting of the microwave, dishwasher and garbage disposal are all still waiting to be finished. Some day.

I've been to Spokane twice this summer to see my mom, sister and brother plus all their children and grandchildren. Beside being too hot over there it was nice to visit family. Next time I go over, I have to make arrangements to see my Aunts, Uncles and cousins living in the area. My mom wants me to see if I can make arrangements to get her favorite cousin, Don Stagg, over for a visit. I really need to get a letter written, or maybe try calling him - I've put it on my "To Do List" for tomorrow.

I bought myself jewelry making supplies - I made a charm bracelet for my great-niece, Mackinzie - which she loves. It's fun and there are so many, many beautiful beads out there. Now, if I just had my sewing/craft room back - I could really work on those things.

I've only seen one movie recently - Nicholas Cage's "The Sorceresses Apprentice". It was thoroughly entertaining - which is why one goes to the movies (at least why I go to the movies). I guess we'll be renting a lot of DVDs so I at least can see all the movies I missed.

Fairy Tales and Horror Stories

I've been reading Peter Straub's "Shadowland" and I just came across something that set me to thinking. Two characters (I think may be the Brother's Grimm) are talking to a 15 year old boy about fairy tales. They tell him that they "write down the stories To Amaze. To terrify. To delight." then a bit later. "These stories are not for every child--they do not suit every child. The terror is there, and it is real. "

I had to stop and read and reread those couple of paragraphs. It made so much sense to me. You see when I was a child I read every fairy tale book I could get my hands on. I read every single one that the library had in the town we lived in. Plus family always gave me fairy tale books for presents. I, even now, have the original stories of the Brother's Grimm - which believe me, are closer to horror stories than stories written for children.

Where am I going with this? Well, I am often puzzled by the fact that I write creepy, horror stories. Also it is the genre I read the most. But, now, I'm getting a better grip on the why of it. How could I write anything else? Because, I was and am the child they were writing for. I love to be amazed, terrified and delighted when I'm reading, watching movies or writing. So, maybe it isn't such a puzzle after all.

Reading is always an adventure and often a way to learn more about ourselves, others and our society. I guess in this case, I owe a big thank you to Peter Straub for his grasp and understanding of the horror genre.

Characters

Hi, I didn't realize that it has been a whole month since I last wrote. I've been busy trying to find the best place to put all my kitchen stuff. Yes, all the cupboards have been installed and I've got a temporary counter top. The cement board and tile for the counter will be installed later this week. I'm having issues with deciding the best places for everything, but I imagine that I'll change it all around after I've been using it for a few months.

I spent most of Saturday watching all the Dr Who episodes that I had DVR'd on Friday. It all led up to the introduction of the eleventh Dr Who. Saying good-bye to David Tennent was hard. I think that he's the best Dr Who they've ever had, yes even better than Tom Baker. To me he was all that was good from all the other nine. I know that he studied the other nine before filming began. I also know he'd been a Dr Who fan almost his whole life. So, seeing him say good-bye to has traveling companions of the last five years was sad. I imagine that each time he regenerates he must loose something of himself - or how could he continue meeting and leaving his companions. I'm not sure about the new Dr Who, he seems to be very young, but I'll withhold my judgement until he's been on for a while. Who knows, maybe he won't work out and we'll be onto number twelve.

My son doesn't understand how I can get emotionally involved with TV, movie or book characters. I've tried explaining that when you watch a show every week for a number of years, those actors become like a family. The same with books - sometimes a character comes so close to who you are or has that something extra that touches your heart. That I for one, then have no choice but to become emotional about them and involved in their lives.

To be able to create a character or characters who will touch your readers emotionally is something that I don't think I've quite got down yet - but I hope that I can get to that point eventually. For me, my characters appear in my head and bug me until I tell their story. Sometimes the character is very insistent and gets pushy if I'm not listening to them. I've even discovered that sometimes a character will have such a small quiet voice that they are hard to get down - but in their own way, they too bug me until I tell their story. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm crazy, because I'm not (at least I don't think so). An idea, or a place or an event usually takes root in my subconscious and waits for someone to come along and claim it as theirs. Thus my story begins.

On my first page I took to my writer's group last Tuesday, someone (they didn't sign their name) told me that I'd gone away from my usual character driven story and that I should go back to that as that is where my strengths lie. So, I've been thinking on how to get a character at the beginning who will carry the story (at least for a while). Guess that's all for now - I'll try not to stay away so long from now on.

Perceptions - Reading - Writing and Viewing

Have you ever looked at the title of a book or movie and gone ahead and read or watched it, without reading the back cover or watching trailers? Sometimes titles can be misleading and sometimes our perceptions of what the title means turns out to be something completely different, from what we started with, by the time the end comes.

You are probably wondering where I'm going with this, so I'll tell you.

I just watched an old John Wayne/Sophia Loren movie titled Legend of the Lost. When the movie begins we have John Wayne's character a drunken guide in the Sahara Dessert. Sophia Loren is his sometimes girl and a lot of the time any one's girl. Enter a very pious man needing a guide in order to find the treasure his father had left directions to (in addition to some gems). He also needs someone (enter Sophia) to save.

What we end up with is the classic tale of the drunken reprobate and bad girl wanting to go good. Both looking for that big score that will let them leave their lives and the hole they've found themselves in. Anyway - to make a long story short - or not - John Wayne dries out, because the pious man empties out his liquor bottles. Sophia travels with the two men - as though she wears a white dress (her words) and she gains self respect. When they finally arrive at the ruin where the treasure is hidden - the pious man discovers that his father not only loved another woman, but he murdered both the woman and the other man. Pious man loses his faith and tries to have his way with Sophia - who is rescued by (you guessed it) John Wayne. The pious man heads out into the dessert, leaving them with no food, no water and no mules - plus he takes all the treasure they've found.

By the time the movie has ended, it dawns on me that it wasn't about the search for lost treasure at all. But the reclaiming of the lives they had lost for both John and Sophia. I was kind of stunned by this revelation - I hadn't even thought about the movie being anything other than a search for lost treasure. In a way it was - because the treasure that was lost by the two main characters is found and brings them together and allows them to leave the hole they'd been living in for a life rich with love.

I think, that stories should have these basic elements - flawed protagonist(s), disguised evil, the struggle and growth of the protagonist(s) - and in the end the protagonist(s) reach their goal/win. Seems simple doesn't it? But to do it well enough to keep your reader/viewer with you to the end requires that extra bit of magic. Sometimes as a writer, I know that I've reached that magic in a story - other times, I struggle trying to find the magic. What makes one story reach that place and another one not? If I knew that (and could consciously do it) I guess that I'd be well on the way to being a good writer. Until then, I tell the stories my characters tell me and hope that I reach the magic (or with the help of my writer's group, find it) that defines a compelling tale that will be read or watched to the end.